SSM: Hi, is this the Child Protective Services? I would like to report my friend for being a bad mother because I think she is making fun of me on the internet. I am a good wife and mother of four daughters who looks like she is in her thirties, and I do not deserve this.
CPS: Uh, ok. Is she threatening you?
SSM: No, but she is making fun of my blog in which I encourage marital rape and tell fathers that they should teach their daughter to submit!
CPS: I see. How many underage girls did you say you had in the house again?
SSM: Four. Why do you want to know? Are you going to give me some sort of award?