REAL ULTIMATE WOMEN (Guest Post by HHG!)

FACTS

1. Real ultimate women are mammals, which means they breastfeed but also satisfy their husbands
2. Real ultimate women think about blow jobs ALL the time
3. The purpose of real ultimate women is to sexually satisfy their men, just like traditional wives have totally done forever

WEAPONS AND GEAR

crockpot
apron
ice pack
lube
hidden vodka bottle
copy of How to Kill the Entertainment Monster and Restore Family Unity

TESTIMONIAL

Traditional women can clean anything they want! Traditional women clean the toilet in pearls all the time and don’t even think twice about it. These ladies are so feminine and awesome that they are ladylike ALL THE TIME. I heard there was this traditional wife eating at a diner (with her husband of course) and when her husband was like “honey your meatloaf isn’t as good as this” she flipped out and killed the whole town, but then she brought them back to life so she could learn how to make meatloaf to please her man. My friend Mark says he saw a traditional wife have sex two weeks postpartum just because she was afraid otherwise her husband would cheat on her.

THAT’S WHAT I CALL REAL UTLIMATE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don’t believe traditional wives have REAL ULTIMATE POWER you’re deluded by Satan and totally going to hell no matter how many Vision Forum products you buy. It’s an easy choice if you ask me.

Traditional wives are soooooo feminine I want to keep them, at least until they’re not hot anymore or can’t have kids and I have a shot at another one without paying child support. I can’t believe it sometimes but I feel it my heart. These women are totally feminine and that’s a fact. Traditional wives are fast (at cleaning), smooth (duh), cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can’t wait to take the red pill. I love traditional wives with all of my body (including my pee pee) (except that’s probably against Leviticus)

Q AND A

Why is everybody so obsessed with traditional wives? 

Traditional wives are the ultimate paradox, on the one hand men are so superior traditional wives can’t get anything right, on the other hand, you leave your children with them.

I heard that traditional wives are always cruel or mean. What’s their problem? 

Whoever told you that is a total liar, unless they’re talking about sunshine mary when she meets someone who only has 3 kids and doesn’t even run!

What do traditional wives do when they’re not making meat loaf or performing fellatio?

Most of their free time is spent in rich and abundant childcare, but sometimes they blog about proverbs 31.

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New Fanfic

No disrespect meant for husband hehe (don’t tell him LOL)

 

“Sunshine Mary! Come down here !” Sunshine Mary’s husband HHG shouted from the living room.

“Yes HHG?” Sunshine Mary asks with a smile.

“I am going out to do my doctoring and I am hiring a babysitter for you.” “What?! A babysitter?! HHG I am forty one years old and I have two masters degrees! I don’t need a babysitter!” Sunshine Mary yelled, “Well you may not think so, but I do. So you are going to behave and do what you are told. He is a friend of a friend so you are to treat him with respect. Understand?” Sunshine Mary nodded and watched her husband continue getting ready, doing up his belt and attaching the pager that he had once thrown at an uppity female coworker.

Behave? Oh, I’m going to make his life hell! thought SSM with her female head.

“Alright, well I am off, got everything Joe Jonas?” HHG asked the twenty-six year old man. “Yupp and please, call me Joe,” Joe Jonas replied.

Sunshine Mary’s husband coughed awkwardly, then strapped on his skis and skied out the door on his way to being a doctor.

“Sunshine Mary? You here?” Joe Jonas yelled up the stairs, “In the kitchen!” Sunshine Mary yelled at the end of the hall. Joe Jonas saw her at the end of the hall putting a knife in the dishwasher.

“What are yo- Ahhhh!!!”Joe Jonas yelled as he stepped into the kitchen. The dishwasher was entirely full of sharp, gleaming knives.

“W-What are you doing?!” Joe Jonas asked stuttering and shivering from the shock. “It dulls the blades and warps the handles over time!!”

“’I don’t need to use a dishwasher!” Sunshine Mary yelled, her rationalization hamster spinning.

Joe Jonas said starting to unpack all of the 300 knives. “Don’t you wonder why,  if women find men doing dishes to be so irresistibly arousing, no husband has ever received a bl*w j*b while up to his elbows in soap suds?”

Sunshine Mary paused to ponder these wise words.

“Now go to your room!” Joe Jonas pointed with one of the knives to her room and she stomped in and slammed her door.

Joe Jonas headed to the bathroom for a warm shower to wash the blood off after he cut himself with several of the hundreds of knives. He was too busy in the shower to hear the door open, and too preoccupied to notice Sunshine Mary take his clothes and replace them with some of the sexy lingerie that she wears to impress her husband, as well as running five miles a day (she does not own any sweatpants).

Sunshine Mary stood outside the bathroom door and listened while Joe Jonas turned off the shower.  “What the fuck?!”Joe Jonas said confused, and Sunshine Mary ran to her room, which was full of nice clothes and make-up (she does not wear sweatpants!!!). “Sunshine Mary! Where are my clothes?!”Joe Jonas asked naked outside her door.

“I dunno, I was in my room the whole time. Like you told me to be.” Sunshine Mary said, trying to keep her giggles unheard. “Yeah, I’m sure. Now, give me my clothes now, or else!”Joe Jonas threatened, “Yeah? Or what?” Sunshine Mary asked. “Or I’ll… I’ll…”Joe Jonas scratched his head trying to think of something to do to her when suddenly he smiled, “I’ll punish you”.

“Oh, is that so? Well I’d just like to know how you’d do that.” Sunshine Mary crossed her arms, “What? Are you gonna spank me?” Sunshine Mary asked in a mock baby voice, confident that the man would not fail her female “shit test.”

“Yupp” Joe Jonas said smiling. Sunshine Mary’s eyes widened and she took a step back, “Y-you wouldn’t dare.” Sunshine Mary said holding her hands on her bottom protectively. “Try me.”Joe Jonas said smirking, “Now give me my clothes!” “No!” Sunshine Mary glared at the door, “And you aren’t gonna spank me either! You have been sucked in by the mainstream anti-patriarchal society we live in and are not masculine and dominant enough!”

“Is that so? Well, we’ll just see about that wont we?”Joe Jonas said. Sometimes while secretly listening to music and cutting herself in her closet Sunshine Mary had imagined being spanked by someone less halitosis-ridden than her husband, but she had never dared to believe. In any case, her husband hardly ever spanked her, mostly choosing his preferred punishment of pager-throwing.

But Joe Jonas had been sucked in by feminism and Churchianity – hadn’t he? She backed away when she saw the doorknob turn and Joe Jonas step in with a towel around his waist.

“Hey! You can’t come in here! This is my room! Get out!” Sunshine Mary said stomping her foot. She saw Joe Jonas look at his clothes on her bed and she went to dive for them but she was too late. He had already picked them up. “Your blog said you are usually very cooperative… I guess it was wrong. Now sit.” Joe Jonas said pointing to her bed.

She slowly sat down on her bed, and looked down as he sat down next to her. “Now lean over my lap.”Joe Jonas said, and her eyes widened. “Y-your not serious right?! You can’t spank me! My husband will never allow it!” Sunshine Mary said getting a little scared. This man had not fallen for her “shit test” LOL.

“I’m sorry, but it’s for your own good. Now lay down.”Joe Jonas said reassuringly and Sunshine Mary reluctantly lowered herself onto his lap.

Joe Jonas noticed her shaking and gently stroked her back, feeling a bit excited by the whole thing.  “Let me go! Let me go!” Sunshine Mary screamed, “Now, now, Sunshine Mary you are to stop that right now.” Joe Jonas said and gave her a little slap on her butt (which was dressed nicely because she never wears sweatpants. She is also good at sports). She relaxed and just lay limp in his lap. “Good.”

He smacked her bum a few more times before smacking her thighs also. “Okay, Can I stop? Or are you going to be obedient?” Joe Jonas asked. “Illbeobedient” Sunshine Mary mumbled, “What was that? I couldn’t quite understand.” Joe Jonas said smirking, and Sunshine Mary sighed loudly, “I said! I’ll be obedient. Happy now?” And Joe Jonas said yes and helped her up. They both literally dissolved into laughter.

 

 

Confronting the Feminism.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in my MRS degree at the University of Michigan, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on NOW, and I have over 300 confirmed daughters. I am trained in wifely submission and I’m the top socon in the entire Vision Forum. You are nothing to me but just another potential angry blog post. I will fulfill the fuck out of my husband’s sexual needs with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of MRAs in basements across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your comments section. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can cry about feminism in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hormones. Not only am I extensively trained in lying silently weeping while my sweating husband groans his way to climax above me, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Mens Rights Movement and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable feminism off the face of the continent, you hamster-spinning little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” belief system was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn blue-pill idiot. I will shit frustrated weeping self-hatred all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

– Sunshine Mary    😡